Happy Birthday (of Sorts)

Five years ago, I was blessed with the opportunity to attend a missions trip with a group of other students from my school. We loaded into vans and drove the many hour trip to Birmingham, Alabama. To be quite honest, I didn't enjoy my time that week. Hanging out with friends was fun, but I didn't like the people on my crew, the food was hardly edible, I got sick one day of the work week and had to sit around doing nothing. Needless to say, it wasn't the greatest time of my life. But God was using all these mediocre experiences to mold me into a new person for Him.

On the way back home after the long week was over, we stopped at a hotel in Louisville, Kentucky and gathered together to unpack everything that took place that week. In that time, God broke my heart for Him. Hearing other people's stories and witnessing their love for the Father, I knew deep down that I wasn't like them. Not yet. 

That night I met with a leader on our trip, my former volleyball coach, and she asked me what was going on. I was sobbing uncontrollably and honestly remember very little of our conversation. But the details are unimportant. The big picture is that on that night, June 28, 2008, five years ago today, I asked the Lord Jesus Christ to come into my heart as my personal Lord and Savior.

I've never been the same since that experience. Since then, I've gone in the same trip to Birmingham year after year and now I understand what the other students knew that night in the hotel. Now I could relate to them in a spiritual bond that only comes from the Father. He's done amazing things in my life once I surrendered to Him. In fact, just over a year ago, I publicly professed my faith and was baptized in front of my family and my peers.

This road of following the Lord and keeping His commands is not easy. In fact, it's the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. So today, I'm celebrating that God, the Creator and Sustainer, would love me so much that He would die for me and allow me to live in relationship with Him forevermore! 

In the Hand of HIM Who Reigns

There's a song popular on Christian stations titled "Whom Shall I Fear" that has made a big impression on me in the past month. The lyrics say:

"I know who goes before me

I know who stands behind

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side. 

The One who reigns forever

He is a Friend of mine

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side."

Today as I was driving, this song began to play, and I heard the lyrics more clearly than ever before. How amazing is it that the God of the universe, the almighty Creator of all things, the only Perfect being could also be my Friend? How is it that the Lord who rules over the spiritual realm, commanding the angels, could consider me worthy of His time and protection? 

But He does! 

God the Father stands guard over me at all times because He wants to and He loves me. Despite my sin, my failures, my doubts, my shame, my guilt, my existence really, He chooses to stand beside me and keep watch over my every move. He knows that the next word out of my mouth will be dishonoring to Him, the next choice I make will be against His will, but He never leaves my side. In spite of everything that I do that is against the perfection of God's nature, He loves me. How amazing!

This promise of unfailing love is what is keeping me going these past few weeks. Some certain circumstances that have arisen recently have had the potential to test my faith. It seems that as soon as I get back on track and offer myself fully to the Lord, something comes up with the potential to shatter it all and make me take several steps backward to where I just came from. This time these circumstances are out of my control entirely, but I refuse to allow them to distract me from my walk with my Father.

Earlier this week, I was thinking about these unfortunate circumstances and looking out the window in a rather contemplative manner. I began talking to God asking Him to give me the strength to stand firm in the face of trials. I told Him that I knew I was incapable of dealing with it all on my own, and I needed a hand from Him to get through it. As I admitted that, the clouds I was staring at took the form of a hand reaching down from heaven directly towards me. The shape didn't last long as the wind carried them along and blew a fierce thunderstorm into the area in its place, but I know what I saw. 

That hand, a single cloud, a moment of incredible weather, was a promise to me. In that brief moment, I know that God was reassuring me that He goes before me and stands behind. He may be ruler of the universe and commander of the army of angels, but He also is my Friend, holding my hand and guiding me through each moment and trial. In the words of Chris Tomlin in the bridge of his song:

"Nothing formed against me shall stand.

You hold the whole world in Your hands.

I'm holding on to Your promises

You are faithful, You are faithful!"