Sometimes, I love these moments.
It can be comforting to know that even though so much is changing, I still have pieces of the past to cling to that are vivid and real--good times with friends and family, laughter and joy.
Other times, I'd do anything to never have these moments.
I not only remember the experiences, but I also feel the emotion that occurred. It's as though no matter how perfect my current situation, I'm feeling the emotion of a memory past. And sometimes, these aren't warm, fuzzy emotions. Sometimes, they're ones of hurt, sadness, anger, fear...
It's funny how much one day in the past can linger so close to the surface that when it arises, it's fresh and strong and ready to attack. It's a paralyzing emotion to feel, the one of the past. Because nothing in my present situation can combat it. I simply must relive the emotion hour after hour, sometimes day after day until it decides it's had enough. Then, it will burrow back under the surface to wait for another day.
It's a blessing and a curse to feel so strongly for people and events. I love that I am able to relate to those around me, hurt when they hurt, rejoice when they rejoice. But sometimes, they don't let me in to feel as they feel. Then I'm left to imagine and feel on my own. I'm left feeling the pain of a day gone by. I'm left to wonder and worry what I can do better. I'm left with my thoughts and my feelings. And that's not always my favorite place to be.
