Mysterious Workings of the Spirit

Have you ever gotten that feeling that you really need to tell someone something? Or you hear something and it reminds you of a time in the past and all of a sudden you know you need to make things right with another person? A lot of the time I shake that feeling off and think of it as coincidence, but lately I've been trying to do more than that.

 For several years, I've known that I have the spiritual gift of discernment, but I think I've done a terrible job of fostering that gift and allowing God to work through me through it.  If fact, I'd say that it's probably been almost four years since I even thought about it and really tried to grow in my faith to grow in discernment as well. When it came up recently, I realized that my Spirit-given gift is not something for me to throw away or abuse; it is something I should be asking God to grow in me so that I may do His will more fully in my life. 

I've been praying lately that God would convict my heart through His Word each day as I read scripture.  Some days I get a little nudge to pray for someone or confess something but nothing great.  Then today happened.  I was reading in Matthew 7, and Jesus spoke to His followers telling them not to judge others.  He uses the image of the plank in your own eye and a speck in your neighbor's to illustrate how we should not correct other people until we have examined our own life first.  I've read this passage dozens of times and never given it a second thought, but today was different.

As I read, God took me back to six months ago when I tried to examine the speck in someone's eye when I had a massive plank in my own.  I'm not talking about a little correction here either.  I full on called this person out on something that was never something I should have brought up.  It was something I had no authority on and was doing 10 times worse in my own life.  But I did it.  The way I hurt that person half a year ago is something I found out they still carry around with them to this day.  I didn't just hurt a few feelings that they moved on from, I affected them deeply with my thoughtless words. 

I knew I hurt them in the moment, trust me. I felt that pang of regret instantly after I said what I did.  I tried to apologize to them and make things right, but I couldn't take back what I said or cover it up and make it go away.  It sat there like an elephant in the room for weeks as I tried to apologize time and time again but never fully knowing the extent of the damage I'd done.  When my friendship with this person fell apart a few months later, the full weight of what I'd said hit me.  But I didn't know how to apologize then either.  So I didn't.

Today came around and God took me so fully back to that time.  I was immediately filled with shame and regret of my words and thoughtless actions, and I had that feeling I spoke of at the beginning.  The one where you know you need to apologize and try to make things right.  This person who I'm virtually estranged from was someone I once again had to face and ask for forgiveness.  In their usual, big hearted manner, my apology was accepted and forgiveness was offered, but I also found out that my words live on to haunt them still.  They haunt me everyday and I would do anything to take them back, but I can't.  I live with what I've done, but now I live with peace about it.  I have forgiveness from said person, and I have forgiveness from the Lord.  He calls us to make things right with our brother before we draw near to Him, and though I'm sure there are many other things I need to make right with people in my life, today I have peace with one. 

I have hope in the promise that "[a]s far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us" (Psalm 103:12 HCSB).  My gift of discernment is one I want to continue growing in, and I know that today, the conviction of my sins was from the Lord.  I thank Him for giving me the strength to address my faults to the one I hurt and find peace in the midst of them.  To God be the glory and praise forever!

Loving You Enemies or Changing Your Heart?

In today's society, I don't know how many actual "enemies" we have on a day to day basis.  I know that I don't walk around in fear of being attacked by someone or a differing people group, but there are certainly people I don't like very much.  It's almost like a confession here: "Hi, I'm Paige and I don't love everyone."  But before you judge me for that, think about it.  Isn't there someone out there who you see on social media or pass in the hallway or see at work who you just would rather not have to interact with?  We all have those people in our lives whether or not we care to admit it.

I was reading in Matthew 5 recently and came across the passage where Jesus is telling his followers to pray for their enemies and those who persecute them.  In fact, He told them that only loving those who love them back will only make them as good as the pagans.  Jesus said that we need to love our enemies and pray for them in order to "be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect" (Matthew 5:48 NIV).  Those are hefty rules to follow.  I don't think I can live up to His calling to be perfect. 

As I was dwelling on this passage, I was convicted to pray for one person in my life who I have unfairly judged and made into a sort of enemy in my life.  As I did, I struggled with how to pray for this person because I realized most of what I really "knew" about this person was based on gossip and assumptions.  I can't really pray for God to change their life based on things that quite possibly aren't even true! So I struggled through my prayer and continued to question why God would ask us to love our enemies and pray for them. Then I realized, in praying for them, God was shaping my heart to be more like His.  I wasn't praying specifics for my "enemy" because I didn't know them.  Instead, God was convicting me to not judge, to not assume, and to not think of myself as better than this other person.

Maybe, the whole reason Jesus teaches us to love our enemies isn't really about them at all.  It's not so we can be the bigger person and do the right thing.  It isn't about changing them to be more like us, the "good Christians."  It's about changing us.  God uses selfless prayer for others to change the way we think about them.  He convicts us in our thoughts and deeds because who wants to pray to the King of the Universe and sound pretentious?  I'm not saying that with one prayer I've entirely changed my way of thinking and have achieved the perfection that Jesus calls us to strive for. I'll never fully get there, but I have been challenged to reassess how I view others.  Jesus loved the Samaritan woman at the well when He was supposed to hate her since He was a Jew.  He healed the lepers when He was supposed to avoid them for fear of being contaminated Himself.  He forgave a criminal while He was dying on the cross for his sins.  Jesus loved His "enemies" to the point that He died for them!  The least I can do is pray for them and do my best to love them with God's help.