What is Life?

Lately, I've found myself asking the question "what is life?" in various situations.  Mostly it comes out when something absurd happens, but I've started to think about it a little bit more.  I look at my life and watch myself go through the motions of daily living, going to classes, and spending time wastefully. All my hobbies and passions and interests seem to have been left behind when I came to college, and I don't know what I'm living for anymore.

Being at a Christian university doesn't make that confusion any easier.  I see everyone around me in one of two or three groups: people who live their lives with purpose knowing their calling and following God all out, those who don't want to be here for Christ but for some other reason, and those stuck right in the middle pretending they have it all together but really just looking for answers to questions they don't even know they're asking.  I place myself in that last group.  

I've felt a void in my life that I haven't been able to fill.  I spend time with friends who I've come to love dearly, but I'm still lonely.  I eat (probably too often), but the hunger is insatiable.  I go to church and chapel, but I leave with more questions than I started with.  I go to classes and do my homework, but the knowledge is never enough. This emptiness is something I can't explain because I don't fully understand it.

Yesterday I was asked a question that caught me completely off guard and actually made me think.  Much of what is being shared in this post is a result of that meditation. I have had to examine my life and my desires and my dreams more closely than I've been willing to just to answer one yes-or-no question.  I've started to realize that the priorities in my life are anything but on track, and if I continue on the path I'm going, I'll become so lost even a GPS can't help me find my way out.

Just to clarify, I'm not depressed, nor will I be doing anything extreme in the near future; I'm just quite confused and thoughtful and spewing out whatever is coming to mind in hopes that something will dawn on me.  I know that the void in my life is God because He knows best that I haven't given Him the time He deserves.  I know that I need to turn to Him and devote my attention to who He is and what His character means and represents.  I just don't know how to.

My pastor this morning shared a great message about loving God as the key priority in life because we were made in His image. God is Love and that means I must love: God, others, and myself.  I've spent too long loving myself and thinking only of my interests. If I spent half as much time loving God as I've been spending on myself, I think my life would look radically different. That's my goal, I think. Just spending that much more time with God each day until eventually my life reflects Him because I've let go of myself completely. 

I don't have any wise way to end this post, and if someone actually reads it, I'm sorry it's kind of depressing. I titled the blog "Life As I Know It" for the good and the bad and the in between that takes place.  This is my life; it may not be glamorous, but I wouldn't change it for the world.  Each trial and struggle I go through strengthens me for something in my future. If I can learn to cling to the hope of the Lord's promise, I can do anything.